Christmas Eve

The snow outside makes me want to hide even more than usual
And it's cold out there like I am in here
I used to think that I'd never be warm again
But you're braving the snow for me, and it seems to be melting away
A white Christmas is supposed to be a good thing
But the snow inside me has rusted shut the hinges of my heart
Now I'm inspired to write some poetry
I'll publish it here when I have it written.

What I feel:
Anger
Hatred
Guilt
What I do about it:
Cut myself
Cry
Sleep

Emergence of the Darkness

I'm drowning. I'm curled up in the fetal position on the bottom of the shower and my thigh is covering the drain, but it's not water that is suffocating me - it's my inner darkness. Again. Fighting it is like trying to stay dry in a swimming pool. It all started with those three little words, "Hey, sexy lady." For the girl who considered making out in the unisex washroom a rather great acomplishment, getting it on with a pastor's son seems like the epitome of all things. He wants me, I'm gonna go for it, but what about my boyfriend? Well the guilt has made me regress to my former masochistic self, and now I'm in the shower crying because of the red streaks that sting in the hot water. If I take a lot of Tylenol I'll fall asleep and escape this guilt. That's what I'll do: go to bed and swallow a bunch of pills. Oh what a vicious chain of events the darkness causes.

Purgatory

Opening mouth
Sticking pen inside
Reaching further, deeper
Ejecting only
Good
Necessary
Nourishing
Put in by choice.

Rotting inside
Wishing bad stuff
Would come to a head
Pushing out
Long
Grey
Disgusting
Worms of character.

Sliding along skin
Cold and sharp
Pain cleansing like fire
Dripping out
Pink
Red
Black
Darkness within.

Worms of character
Red relief
Tremors split your mind,
Mix your feelings
As my heartbeat shakes the world
Flooding your life
Salt of the eyes
Red tears from the soul
I'm a natural disaster;
You're a storm-chaser.